so i have found that i write when i cant turn my mind off, so i decided to write on here tonight and not in my journal......

so its Tuesday.... and I am watching Criminal Minds, and reading random verses in the breaks. Im trying to throw myself in the Word. I think I have been doing ok with that. I just still hurt in my heart. I know that in time it will get better, and im sooo happy to be where i am in being able to give everything to God. I want so badly to live for him and to seek him every moment. At times I am over whelmed with anger that i have towards myself for doing bad things. I have forgiving myself for the actions i made cause i know for a fact now that i wont make them again, im having a hard time with letting it go i guess.
Trying to think threw my feelings and thoughts. I pray for God to keep my love for him if it is God's will, and i Pray for God to give me the ability to let my human side let him go if i am ment for more. But i feel that i am just pushing away what God is trying to tell me cause im to stubborn to ever let him near my heart again.

at least i have been able to fill my heart with Gods love and even tho i have moments when i hurt, or let a few tears fall. I have been blessed with such support of friends and loved ones.

Tomorrow will be a wonderful day!! the sun will be shining and all of God's beauty will be shown!